Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Life Plan

For the most part, I'm a pretty Type A personality. I like to have control in all aspects of my life and it gives me some serious anxiety when I don't. 

I, like I'm sure many of you, had a life plan for myself. And for a long time, I was right on track. Married by my mid-20's, had a job in my field, owned a house, owned a dog (plus 1), etc. 

However, I've been recently struggling with said life plan. Because by now? I wanted to be in a managerial position at my job, have a baby and lose the weight I set out to lose so long ago. And guess what? None of the above have been accomplished. 

My weight? Ugh. It's a struggle. I'm not sitting on the couch eating cake. If I was, then I would deserve every ounce of chub I have. Instead, I engage in an active lifestyle (workout 5 times a week), count calories and overall try to make healthy decisions. But my weight? Doesn't reflect that. Hubs is telling me to work harder. I should be working out longer, harder, faster. And perhaps he's right. Clearly whatever I'm doing now isn't helping me lose the pounds. 

My career? I'm just not where I want to be. I should be a manager. I should be making more money. I'm doing none of the above, and I only have myself to blame. 

A baby? Well, that's also directly related to my weight. I wanted to lose weight before putting a baby inside my belly. Because I didn't want to have to lose the baby weight on top of the extra weight I already had to lose. Plus, I know my time will be constricted once I have said child. Hubs and I haven't been "preventing" pregnancy, but we also haven't been "trying" too hard either. I guess when the time comes, it will come.

It's all been weighing pretty heavily on me lately. And in turn, making me anxious and depressed. I guess I just need to accept that everything doesn't always happen as you've planned. 

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