Self Defense 101

Last year (right around this time), Nile and I got up in the middle of the night and thought we heard someone breaking into the house. So, naturally, I said to Nile, "You better go check it out."

First, we needed to look for a weapon, in case the burglar were to jump Nile. He needed a way to defend himself. Luckily, we just so happened to have 3 bed slats handy because our bed frame had recently broken. We both took one and went downstairs in our PJs and creeped around the house with our bed slats, ready to jump anyone that came around the corner. Picture that in your head.

We didn't find burglar (thank God), but noted to ourselves that we should keep some sort of baseball bat type object in the bedroom in case we're ever faced with another nightime creepy noise.

Fast forward a year.

Last night, Nile and I are watching TV (actually I had just passed out.) Nile gets up, mutes the TV and stands at the door to listen. He swears there is someone in our house. Again I say, "You better go check it out." And yet again, we find ourselves looking for a weapon.

This time, no bed slats. I look around the room and the only thing I see that could do any damage is an iron. That's right, a clothing iron. This probably doesn't even make sense for those of you that know me, because you know I don't iron. I think it's a foolish waste of time, however, I happened to have a shirt that was wrinkled beyond recognition that I decided needed pressed...on my bed...because that's what I use as an ironing board.

Anyway, Nile goes downstairs, finds no burglar. He comes back and looks at me and says, "How exactly did you think I was going to defend myself with an iron...a cold iron?"

I say, "Well, the image in my head was you swinging it around by the cord and klobbering said burglar in the face."

Nile: "That would never work."

Again, we vowed to put a baseball bat in our bedroom. I'll let you know how that works out. Maybe we should just let out our attack dogs next time.