Friday, July 6, 2012

Thanks for the Judging

You know, ever since I got pregnant, I suddenly started receiving a TON of unwanted advice. The judgy kind. 

I'm all about advice. That's how you learn, right? Learn from other people's experiences, although no two experiences are ever exactly alike. 

I've been most surprised at the judging I've received for choosing to breastfeed. Which hasn't made any sense to me. It's best for baby, right? Best for health, boosting immune systems, it's free and readily available. Then WHY have I constantly been hearing from other women, "Oh, you're going to breastfeed? Well, that won't last long." What?? Thanks for the encouragement. Is it going to be hard? I'm SURE it's going to be rough. Will I pump when I got back to work? That's the plan. I know the best laid plans sometimes fail, but at least let me give it a shot before everyone gets negative. Plus, it's not forever. I'd like to make it to a year, which I'm sure is a huge challenge especially with working full time and having a traveling husband. 

Speaking of working, I've also received a fair share of judging about that. Yes, I'm going back to work full time. Yes, my child will be put into daycare. No, I cannot afford NOT to work. With paying on a mortgage, car, bills, health insurance, saving for retirement, it's virtually impossible to live on a single income these days. And people need to stop assuming that my husband makes boatloads of money just because he travels. That is NOT the case. Yes, I'm entrusting my child into the care of another woman. She's qualified, her home is immaculate, she's got tons of experience and a great set up. 

Would I work even if hubs did make tons of money? At least part time. Especially since he travels. You might have to book me a room at the nearest psych facility if I had to be alone 24/7, just me and a baby. I would need a little adult interaction, you know? But that's just me. To each their own.

I've also acquired the Baby Bullet from my sister as a gift. Do I plan to use it? Yes. Have a received comments about this too? Hell yeah. That being a working mom means I'll never have time to make my own baby food. Well, I've also heard that just being a working woman mean you'll never have time to make dinner. I cook 6 nights a week. I'm sure I can handle making a batch of baby food. If I can't? Then I go to the jar. But let me try it! How about some encouragement. 

And my ultra favorite thing to hear are the BOATLOADS of horrible baby stories. No one seems to tell me how great motherhood is. Instead, I'm constantly hearing of the colic/acid reflux/no sleep/you'll hate your life for several months stories. Do I think that's going to happen? Probably. But each baby is different. Don't assume mine will be just like yours. 

I know it's going to be hard. My husband will be traveling. I have no family within a short driving distance. I can only rely on friends and the flexibility of my workplace. But I've got to try. Because if I didn't, I'd never be a mom. 

And if it becomes too much for me? Then I'll say, "You were right."


Mandy said...

I hated all that unsolicited advice when I was pregnant! Sadly it doesn't always stop once the baby is born. I just learned to nod and smile and ignore what they were saying

ejfbelt said...

random reader here, going to chime in:
just smile and nod and make the choices that are best for you and your family!!! it's funny because in the end when you think about it we all the want the same thing, happy health kids, but how we get there is different and we as moms already face so much judgement why are we wasting our time judging each other. :/ Sorry you have to deal with this. Also good luck with making it a year breastfeeding (not being sarcastic!) I had tons of problems and my daughter and i made it a year, just take things as they come with that and don't beat yourself up, i went into it with the attitude of if it works it works if it doesn't it doesn't

Jen B. said...

I just got a friend a Baby Bullet for her baby shower this Saturday. It's epic...and if you can cook six times a week, girl, you can do anything! Your little guy is due around my travel time for work, which brings me closer to your area. Girl time with the baby when Nile is gone. I will drink your wine for you since you are your back! ;)