When You're Talking in Your Sleep

Let's talk about sleepwalking/talking. My husband is a primo sleepwalker and talker. And for some reason, I was thinking about that today. 


When we first moved in together, I remember waking up one night to hubs wondering around the room. I didn't think anything of it until I saw him make his way to our walk-in closet, pull his pants down and his manhood out. I realized then that he was going to take a pee...all over my shoes! I shot out of bed and woke that man right out of his peeing slumber and led him to the bathroom. 


And that's not the last time I caught him with his pants down...literally. In our next place, I woke up to what sounded like a faucet running. Nope. Just my husband. Taking a leak in the middle of the bathtub. At least he went somewhere that was easy to clean up, right?


And yet another time, in our new house in NJ, I woke up to him standing on his tippy-toes peeing in our pedestal sink outside the master bedroom. He looked right at me and I asked "What the hell are you doing!?" 


He frankly responded, "Taking a piss. What does it look like I'm doing?" 


And yet the man was still fast asleep because he knew nothing of it the next day.


Then there are the things he says when he's sleeping. One night, he frantically woke me up. 


Hubs: "HEATHER! WAKE UP!"
Me: "OhmyGodwhat'sgoingon!?!"
Hubs: "We have to alert the royal family!"
Me: "What????"
Hubs: "We must tell the royal family. It's important!"
Me: "What the hell are you talking about?"
Hubs: *Angrily* "Why are you arguing with me? We have to tell them!"
Me: "Ok, honey. We'll tell them."


Then, his head hit the pillow and he was right back to sleep. And we still have yet to figure out what he was dreaming about. But it was obviously a matter of royal security.